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About Varied / Hobbyist AmberFemale/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 7 Years
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Descend by Pindakees Descend :iconpindakees:Pindakees 27 1 Life is strange by sbel02 Life is strange :iconsbel02:sbel02 361 14 Reflection by yuumei Reflection :iconyuumei:yuumei 19,431 357 Arrietty by sharkie19 Arrietty :iconsharkie19:sharkie19 3,708 0 The Dress by Nycteridae The Dress :iconnycteridae:Nycteridae 780 28 Under Rain by yuumei Under Rain :iconyuumei:yuumei 15,576 309 In April by Akimiya In April :iconakimiya:Akimiya 1,304 42 Description of common case of love  by lora-zombie Description of common case of love :iconlora-zombie:lora-zombie 4,603 192 /AC/Altair by Mioponnu /AC/Altair :iconmioponnu:Mioponnu 19 2 Happy Place by Jazzie560 Happy Place :iconjazzie560:Jazzie560 130 11 MERRY CHRISTMAS by lora-zombie MERRY CHRISTMAS :iconlora-zombie:lora-zombie 652 16 CHRISTMAS DREAM by lora-zombie CHRISTMAS DREAM :iconlora-zombie:lora-zombie 1,380 33 CATZILLA  by lora-zombie CATZILLA :iconlora-zombie:lora-zombie 1,385 26 Yeah im awake by sbel02 Yeah im awake :iconsbel02:sbel02 140 7 HEROTIME by lora-zombie HEROTIME :iconlora-zombie:lora-zombie 732 5 HEROTIME SPACEPANDA by lora-zombie HEROTIME SPACEPANDA :iconlora-zombie:lora-zombie 1,175 16

Activity


I am sat sleepless and alone once more, and all I want to do is cry. I want to curl up in my love's arms and cry till e'ery tear turns a mill.I want to reverse the clock, to change my fate. I want my old life back- the life before i became a medically ill person- before i became so broken and quiet- the life where I was working towards something. I was going to become a combat medic I had everything figured out, I was going to be the best combat medic I could- I was going to be something if only in uniform if only if that something was another teammate that may die in combat- i was going to be a solder and stand tall with my brothers and sisters. All that gone now. all lost and broken dreams all due to a illness I never asked for, a hand I never wanted a life I was forced into. 
Now I sit alone praying my love doesn't go back to his military to fortunes he wishes to advance and i pray him be in good health. I long to be by his side the next time he tells me of his pain- 
I sit here alone wishing many things were not how they are and wishing many things stayed the same- I sit here feeling lost and tired. Wanting to cry, but they say all the best things in life comes after the pain- and I guess if that is so then my time with my love will be the reward 
All i want to do is harm myself, i am so sad and so angry- nothing i do seems good enough. Forced out of high school for being constantly sick- my attempts at a GED is just a joke to the modern world and smile that isn't mine- and a laugh that never was
All I want to do is cry and sleep forever- can't land a job no matter how hard I search
busted phone, temper lost- shit that just screwed me more - live with that regret live with in. Bite my cheek and smile, act happy- wonder how my friend is- then remember she likely never wants to see me again- 
sot wishing i could just spend another night at her place, then recall how we were like the polars- the times I was to loud and her annoyance or the times her word made me cry- the worthlessness i felt knowing I could never help her and the days she would visit me in a hospital- smiles- dumb jokes and laughs- how did we lose contact? I am not even sure, does it matter? not not really- nothing matters when you live a mask and live behind the lies you so desperately want to buy into 
end it all 
just end it all 
my head screams of the same words 
just end it all
but I can't I have someone that needs me, a person that admits he's be nowhere without my help- that doesn't want me to die
shit just down the pill take a shot it will be alright, smiles till you cry it will be okay
go to him talk to him, do so daily because i need him..more than he knows. my life my purest self is owed to him i can not leave him, i won't hurt him 
just wait it out, just keep moving it will be okay.
another sleepless night
Hey guys, sorry I have not been on since well..wanna say since I was seven or eighteen. I am nineteen, will be twenty in Feb- and I guess I am just popping in to say hi so people know I am not dead just yet. Looking at my old stuff is pretty cringe to be honest- oh i have improved art wise but that means fuck all.
I am sat sleepless and alone once more, and all I want to do is cry. I want to curl up in my love's arms and cry till e'ery tear turns a mill.I want to reverse the clock, to change my fate. I want my old life back- the life before i became a medically ill person- before i became so broken and quiet- the life where I was working towards something. I was going to become a combat medic I had everything figured out, I was going to be the best combat medic I could- I was going to be something if only in uniform if only if that something was another teammate that may die in combat- i was going to be a solder and stand tall with my brothers and sisters. All that gone now. all lost and broken dreams all due to a illness I never asked for, a hand I never wanted a life I was forced into. 
Now I sit alone praying my love doesn't go back to his military to fortunes he wishes to advance and i pray him be in good health. I long to be by his side the next time he tells me of his pain- 
I sit here alone wishing many things were not how they are and wishing many things stayed the same- I sit here feeling lost and tired. Wanting to cry, but they say all the best things in life comes after the pain- and I guess if that is so then my time with my love will be the reward 
All i want to do is harm myself, i am so sad and so angry- nothing i do seems good enough. Forced out of high school for being constantly sick- my attempts at a GED is just a joke to the modern world and smile that isn't mine- and a laugh that never was
All I want to do is cry and sleep forever- can't land a job no matter how hard I search
busted phone, temper lost- shit that just screwed me more - live with that regret live with in. Bite my cheek and smile, act happy- wonder how my friend is- then remember she likely never wants to see me again- 
sot wishing i could just spend another night at her place, then recall how we were like the polars- the times I was to loud and her annoyance or the times her word made me cry- the worthlessness i felt knowing I could never help her and the days she would visit me in a hospital- smiles- dumb jokes and laughs- how did we lose contact? I am not even sure, does it matter? not not really- nothing matters when you live a mask and live behind the lies you so desperately want to buy into 
end it all 
just end it all 
my head screams of the same words 
just end it all
but I can't I have someone that needs me, a person that admits he's be nowhere without my help- that doesn't want me to die
shit just down the pill take a shot it will be alright, smiles till you cry it will be okay
go to him talk to him, do so daily because i need him..more than he knows. my life my purest self is owed to him i can not leave him, i won't hurt him 
just wait it out, just keep moving it will be okay.
another sleepless night

Comments


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:icontoshinden-fanclub:
Toshinden-fanclub Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Hello could we do an arttrade together? Painter
Reply
:icongazspook:
gazspook Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
What is an arttrade?
Reply
:icontoshinden-fanclub:
Toshinden-fanclub Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
You would draw for me what i describe and i draw for you what you describe, in notes we send each other. :painter:
Reply
:icongazspook:
gazspook Featured By Owner Sep 11, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Sorry I can't do it...in the hospital again and homeless
Reply
:icongazspook:
gazspook Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Sounds fun! Sorry if I am not on often, I am currently worrying over school ^^,
Reply
:iconchiichiichan94:
Chiichiichan94 Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanx for the favs :hug:
Reply
:iconanyssiaandy:
AnyssiaAndy Featured By Owner Oct 17, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I HAVE TAGGED YOU !!!!!
You have been requested to do "The me tag" where you list 10 things you love and hate about yourself.. And tag three other deviants to do the same .. You can go to my journal to see more details and an example!
Reply
:icongazspook:
gazspook Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
well then this will be god awful. love and hate, sounds like homework for a health class DX
Reply
:icondameodessa:
DameOdessa Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
:huggle::iconthxwatchplz::glomp:
Reply
:iconsadiescooby11:
sadiescooby11 Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for the Watch and favorites!
Reply
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